Never
Should Have Let You Go Never
Should Have Let You Go 
Buck and Jimmy could only stand in horror at the scene that had unfolded in
front of them. Kid was on his knees searching frantically for any signs of life
in Louise. Gregors was still moaning in pain at the gunshot wound in his hand.
"Kid, is she…", Buck dared to ask as he and Jimmy approached.
"I-I don't know", Kid whispered. Panic and fear had stolen his voice.
"There is just so much blood", he said as he attempted to locate the
wound.
"Lou, Baby, come on", Kid pleaded softly.
"Somebody help me!", Gregors shouted.
Jimmy, who had remained silent up until then, suddenly erupted. "Help you?
Help you?!?", he shouted as he moved to stand over the now quivering sheriff.
"The only way I'm gonna help you is into a wooden box, you sick son of
a bitch!", he yelled. He then intentially stepped on Gregors injured hand
and ground it into the floor with his boot. This brought forth screams of agony
from the sheriff which brought a slight smile to Jimmy's face.
"Jimmy!", Buck called. "You ain't helpin' anything", he
said as he grabbed Jimmy by the arm and pulled him away from Gregors.
Kid carefully lifted Louise into his arms. "Hold on, Angel", he whispered
softly to her.
He then rushed her to the doctor's office. Doctor Kincaid was in the middle
of lunch when he burst through the door. Tears had now begun to run down Kid's
face. "You-You gotta help her, doc", he said while never taking his
eyes off of her.
"Sweet Lord", Doctor Kincaid gasped.
"What happened?", he asked as he showed Kid where to bring Lou. Kid
explained what happened the best that he could while he gently laid Louise on
the bed. She had turned deathly pale which made the fresh bruises on her face
look even more ominous and her breathing was now shallow and ragged. Jimmy and
Buck entered shortly aftterwards, with a whimpering Gregors in tow. They threw
him into one of the office chairs. Buck stayed to watch Gregors while Jimmy
slowly made his way to the back room where the doctor had just begun to examine
Lou.
"How is she?", he asked quietly. He didn't want to let on how bad
he thought she looked, but her appearance scared the hell out of him. Looking
at her made him squirm. "She's gonna be fine, ain't she, doc?", Kid
asked. He knew things looked bad, but he just couldn't believe that this was
happening to them. It was just a few hours ago that they were laughing and smiling.
They were planning their futures together, and now she was lying there struggling
to breathe.
"I won't lie to you, Kid", Doctor Kincaid began. "I won't know
for sure until I examine her fully, but I think that you can see that this doesn't
look too promising", he finished truthfully. "Why don't the two of
you wait out there while I complete my examination and I'll let you know as
soon as I know something", he suggested.
"I can't leave her!", Kid shouted. The very idea of leaving her alone
when she needed him the most seemed insane.
"Kid, calm down", Jimmy said from the doorway. "I know you wanna
be here for her, but you and I both know that the doctor can do his job a hell
of a lot better if he doesn't have to work around you", he reasoned.
"Son, if you really want to help, you'll let me do my job", the doctor
said as he came to place a reassuring hand on Kid's shoulder. "I promise
that I will do everything I can to save both of them", he said so that
only Kid could hear. Kid took a deep breath and then he took hold of Lou's clammy,
limp hand. He softly kissed each of her fingers before kissing her gently on
the forehead. "I'm not going far, sweetheart, and I'll be back real soon",
he whispered, and then he reluctantly let Jimmy lead him out of the room.
"How is she?", Buck asked Jimmy
. "I honestly don't know, Buck", he replied. "But to be honest,
it doesn't look to good right now", he said quietly so only Buck could
hear him.
"How's Kid?", Buck asked.
"I don't know that either", Jimmy said with a sigh.
Kid moved a chair so that he could sit right outside of the examination room's
door. He never said a word. He just sat there staring at the door as if he could
see through it. His eyes were glazed over and his face had grown pale and drawn.
His friends were noticeably concerned but they didn't dare approach him yet.
"When is he gonna come look at my hand?", Gregors complained.
"Shut up!", Buck and Jimmy yelled simultaneously.
"What? She's gonna be fine", Gregors whined. Kid slowly got up from
his seat and made his way to stand directly in front of Gregors.
"You better pray that she's alright", he growled as he Gregors up
so that they were eye to eye. He then moved in so close that there was barely
an inch in between them.
"Because if she dies, so will you", Kid said quietly and truthfully.
Everyone who heard him knew that he was deadly serious.
No one dared move or speak. Jimmy and Buck just watched the situation tensely
from across the room. They both stood ready to leap into action if Kid decided
to act on his promise early. Neither of them could blame him, but they couldn't
let him hang for it. They all stood frozen in their poses for what seemd like
an eternity until Doctor Kincaid emerged from the examination room. He was slightly
shocked at the scene he walked in on.
"Kid", he called anxiously. Slowly, Kid released his grip on Gregors
and turned to face the doctor.
"Kid, may I speak with you privately?", the doctor asked quietly.
Everyone knew that this meant the news would not be good. Kid hesitated before
following the doctor back into the examination room. He knew that he wasn't
going to want to hear what he had to say. Kid immediately took a seat next to
Lou and took her hand into his.
"How is she?", Kid asked although he already knew the answer.
"Not good, Kid", Doctor Kincaid replied sadly. Tears began to fill
Kid's eyes and they overflowed as he asked, "Are they gonna die?".
The doctor was visibly shaken as he answered Kid's question, "I don't know".
"The bullet went clean through but it ricocheted off two of her ribs, cracking
them both, and came dangerously close to hitting a major arterey. I think that
is what saved you, the bullet hitting her ribs threw off the angle and caused
it to just graze your arm. I still want to take a look at that later. But back
to Louise. The loss of blood and the shock from that would have been more than
enough to concern me, but on top of her other injury….it's just hard to
tell", he added sadly.
"What other injury?", Kid asked in shock.
"Oh, I guess in the confusion it was easy to miss, but Louise suffered
a serious blow to the head", he answered gently.
"W-What? You mean the bruises?", Kid stammered.
"Oh, no. She suffered a more severe blow to the side of her head, right
below the hairline. It looks as though she fell and hit her head or perhaps
was hit by someone. I'm afraid Lousie is gonna have to answer that one when
she wakes up", he answered optimistically.
"So, you still think ther's a chance she's gonna wake up", Kid asked
with new found hope.
"I think that at this time it's important that we all stay positive. It's
always been my opinion that people in need find strength in the strength of
their loved ones. She's gonna need you to be strong for her now if she's gonna
get through this", he replied reassuringly. "I'm gonna leave the two
of you alone", he said quietly. He came to place a hand on Kid's shoulder
and reminded him quietly, "Remember, be strong. Let her know how much she's
loved and needed here". Then he was gone.
Kid sat there for a while just watching the slow rise and fall of her chest
as she breathed. The sight comforted him because he knew that as long as there
was breath there was hope. He then started whispering to himself, "Just
be strong" over and over again until he felt that he could talk to her
without breaking down.
"Hey, Lou", he began. He thought it best to keep his tone as normal
as possible. "Well, this is a tough one, but I know that you'll make it.
You have to. I mean what other choice do you have, really? You can't leave me
here alone". Kid stood so that he he could make a place for himself to
sit on her bed. Once he was sure that he wouldn't hurt her, he gently sat next
to her. He took both of her hands in his and held them against his heart as
he leaned over to talk to her face to face. "I mean let's be honest here,
Lou. We both know that I need ya here. What would I do without you? What would
I do without you here to keep me on my toes? What would I do if I didn't have
you to worry about all the time ? What would I do if I didn't have your hand
to hold under the table?". The emotions that Kid had been trying so hard
to control were threatening to overcome him as thoughts of what his life would
be like without her took over his mind. His eyes once again filled with tears
as he asked her, "What would I do if I couldn't hear your voice? See your
face? Oh, Lou, what would I do if I couldn't touch you? Kiss you? Hold you?".
Tears began to fall in earnest now as he turned his gaze to ceiling and sent
his voice to the heavens. "God, I know you can hear me. Maybe I don't deserve
her. Maybe I don't deserve the life we planned together, but I can't be without
her. I can't. I need to laugh with her. I need to fight with her. I need to
cry with her. I need to raise a family and grow old with her. So I'm here and
I'm ready to do whatever it takes to save her. I'm ready to beg, bargain, bleed,
and die for her, for them. Whatever it takes. Just please, God, please don't
take her, don't take them, not now".
Kid couldn't stop himself from weeping openly for a few minutes even though
he didn't want to. He struggled with himself to regain his composure. The words
"Be strong" kept running through his mind until he was finally able
to get control again. He then slowly rose to stand over her. His joints and
muscles were stiff and sore from sitting in one position for too long. Kid placed
his hand over Lou's stomach where he knew that their baby still grew. He then
leaned over to whisper to his child, "Hey, Little One. I'm sure you know
that mommy's not feeling so good right now. She's gonna need a lot of help to
get better. Don't you worry though. I'm gonna do my part out here. I'm gonna
stay right by her side and I'm gonna keep telling her just how much we love
and need her. But I'm gonna need your help too. You're in there with her, so
you gotta be strong for her too. You gotta help mommy fight, alright. Don't
let her give up on us, deal?". Somehow talking to his child made him feel
better, like he had inside help. "Well, we still have a few more months
before we can shake on it, so I'm gonna take your word for it". When he
finished talking to the baby he noticed that he'd actually begun to smile a
little. He also noticed that the sun had begun to set and it had grown cooler
in the room. He slowly rose from the bed to search for a lamp. Once he'd lit
the lamp, he went in search for the blanket. When he found one, he carefully
placed it over her and took his place back in the chair. He held her hand in
his and placed his other hand over her belly. He sat there just content to watch
her breathe again. Before he knew it, he had drifted off into a light sleep.
He awoke with a start a short while later. Confusion swept over him because
for the first few moments he couldn't remember where he was. Memories of what
happened flooded back and his gaze shot to Lou's face to look for any signs
of change, but there were none. There was a soft knock at the door before it
opened. Doctor Kincaid walked in quietly and went to check on his patient.
"There hasn't been any change yet, Doc", Kid said softly.
"Well, that's to be expceted. She's been though a lot", Doctor Kincaid
replied as he contined to examine Lou. "You know it's been my experience
that in cases like these the body is just taking the time it needs. She'll wake
up when she's ready", he finished. "In the mean time, it might be
a good idea for you to get some rest yourself. It won't do for her to wake up
and you be too tired to celebrate", he went on cheerfully.
"Thanks but I'm fine. I just want to be ready when she wakes up",
Kid said trying to sound convincing, but he couldn't keep the exhaustion out
of his voice.
"How about this, I have an extra bed in the spare room over there. Why
don't you help me bring it in here and we'll set it up right next to her's.
That way you can lie right next to her", the doctor offered. Kid would
never admit it, but the chair was killing him. The thought of a bed to lie was
appealing, and the fact that he would be able to lie next to her made it irresistable.
"Alright, you talked me into it", Kid agreed.
Doctor Kincaid finished his check up while Kid set his bed up.
"I'll be back to check on her later. Your friends have been waiting to
see her. Should I send them in?", he asked as he got to the door.
"Sure. The more people telling her to wake up the better", Kid said
as he finished putting the blankets on the extra bed. He then returned to take
his seat in the chair next to Lou. Jimmy came to stand in the doorway shortly
after the doctor walked out. He was unsure of whether or not to enter the room,
so he simply stood there until Kid spoke to him.
"It's alright, Jimmy. You can come in", he said from his seat next
to Lou.
Jimmy hesitated before he slowly made his way to stand over Lou. He still couldn't
get over what had happened to her. The sight of her still made him very uneasy,
so he simply stood there staring at her with his arms crossed. Her bruises stood
out sharply in contrast with her pale skin. She wasn't moving and he found it
hard to tell if she was breathing. Looking at her was making him nervous.
"Kid, is she alright?", her asked .
"I know it looks bad, Jimmy. Actually it is bad. But we have to keep believing
that she will be alright. She needs us to be strong for her", Kid replied
softly. Jimmy gave a shaky nod of his head before he moved to lean against the
countertop across the room. Kid decided that now would be the best time to get
answers to the questions that had been plaguing him since he walked through
the dress shop door and into his worst nightmare. He placed a kiss on Lou's
hand and moved to stand close to Jimmy.
"Jimmy, I gotta know what happened after we left. Where were you and Buck?",
Kid asked quietly. He didn't want to let his emotions get the better of him
again and cause Jimmy to think that he was accusing or blaming him for anything.
For a while he was angry at everyone, including himself, but he had calmed down
a lot since then and now felt that he was ready to really talk about what happened.
Jimmy knew the question was coming. He actually thought it would have come
up by now. And the fact that Kid wasn't screaming and angry came as a total
surprise. "Maybe he really has gone crazy", he thought to himself.
"Kid remember that me and Buck stayed and finished packing. Then we went
to take some of Lou's things to the post office so that we could have them mailed
to the station instead of trying to carry them ourselves. Then we stopped and
had some lunch at the hotel", Jimmy explained just as calmly.
"What happened to Mrs. Lilian?", Kid asked. "She showed up here
a little while ago. She said that Deputy Redness showed up and said that there
had been trouble at her place, so of course she closed up and went home. She
said she left a note for Louise.But of course there was nothing going on at
her place. It was just a trap to get her out of the store. She's really upset
about all this", Jimmy replied while looking toward the examination room
door where a very worried looking Mrs. Lilian stood crying silently.
"Maybe we should let her in?", Jimmy asked.
"Yeah, ummm, Jimmy you can send her in", Kid said as he walked back
over to sit by Lou again. He leaned over to whisper in her ear, "Angel,
Jimmy's bringing Mrs. Lilian to see ya. I think it'd be nice if you would wake
up and talk to her. She's really shaken up by what happened. It might make her
feel better if you showed us you were alright". He got no response.
Kid stood to greet the older woman as she entered the room.
"Oh, Kid, I'm so sorry", she cried as she embraced him tightly. "I
shouldn't have left", she sobbed.
"No, no. This wasn't your fault. Besides you had to go and make sure that
everything was alright at home. None of this was your fault", Kid said
softly. He felt so bad for the woman. She was so kind to everyone. She didn't
deserve this. He decided to reassure her as much as he could without out and
out lyling. "Why don't you come sit next to her?", he said as he led
her to the chair next to Lou's bed.
"Oh my", Mrs. Lilian gasped as she got a close look at Lou for the
first time.
"I know it looks bad, but she's gonna be fine. You gotta believe that",
Kid said as he kneeled beside her and once again took hold of Lou's hand.
"Yes, she's gonna be just fine", Mrs. Lilian said firmly. "We'll
have it no other way", she said with a smile in Kid's direction.
Mrs. Lilian stayed for a while longer. It was only when Buck pointed out how
late it had gotten that she realized that she had to get home. Jimmy offered
to take her because he needed to get away from the reality of what was going
on in the doctor's office. Doctor Kincaid returned shortly after Mrs. Lilian
and Jimmy left to check on Lou's condition. Buck informed Kid that Gregors had
been treated as was locked away in jail where he had been keeping a close eye
on him. He had left only long enough to pick up something to eat and bring Kid
some dinner. At the mention of Gregor's name Kid felt his blood begin to boil.
Buck could see that Kid was losing it again so he decided it would be best to
change the subject to something that might calm him. The first thing that came
to mind was Lou.
"How's Lou?", Buck asked. At the mention of her name Kid's attention
imeediately shifted back to the woman he loved more than his next breath.
"Actually", Doctor Kincaid began, "she's looking better. She's
regaining some color and her wounds appear to be beginning to heal", he
finished cheerfully.
"So, she should be waking up any time now?", Kid asked excitedly.
"Like I said earlier, she will wake when she's ready", Doctor Kincaid
replied simply. "But it's looking better", he added with a smile.
Kid felt like a weight was slowly being lifted from his chest.
"Well, I think I'll be heading back to the jailhouse", Buck said as
he went to give Kid a quick pat on the back.
"Let me know if anything changes", Buck said as headed for the door.
"You too. I want to know the second you find that deputy or if something
comes up with that bastard of a sheriff", Kid shot back.
It had begun to get very late. Jimmy had returned from dropping Mrs. Lilian
off. He stopped by to let Kid know that he was going over to the jailhouse to
sit with Buck. When he left, Doctor Kincaid came back to to check on Lou one
more time and to let Kid know that he was going home for the night. He and his
wife lived above the office, so he would be close just in case Lou or Kid needed
him. Once everyone was gone for the night, Kid decided to climb into the spare
bed to rest. He didn't think that he'd be able to sleep, but he at least wanted
to be more comfortable while he waited for her to open his eyes. He climbed
in the bed and turned to lie on his side facing her.He got as close as he dared
without the threat of hurting her. He placed one arm above her head so that
he could rest his head on his bicep and still stroke her face and hair with
his hand. He then placed his other arm across her waist. He decided to talk
to her some more. He didn't know how much it was helping her, but talking to
her was keeping him sane.
"I guess I can't be mad at ya for wanting to sleep. You've been through
a lot today. Any other day I'd be glad for just about any reason that let me
be close to ya like this, but I'm afraid that this isn't any other day, and
this really isn't the best reason. So any time you feel like waking up, feel
free. I'll be right here waiting", Kid spoke softly and sincerely.
True to his word Kid never left her side. For the next three days, he kept a
vigil in the chair by her bed during the day and in the bed by her side at night.
On the third night, Kid could actually feel the exhaustion taking over. He didn't
know how long he'd been lying there listening to the soft whisper of her breathing.
He just layed there holding her and staring at her face in the dark. Next thing
he knew, he was asleep. He was having the most wonderful dream. He and Lou had
a home on a ranch that stretched into the horizon. He was leaving the corral
where he had been training a new stock of horses that he would sell for a hefty
fee in the coming months. He heard a child's voice calling to him, "Daddy!
Daddy!". He looked up to find a young boy running toward him. When he got
close enough, Kid noticed that the boy had his eyes. This was his son. He reached
down and lifted the boy into his arms for a big hug. The child reached his still
chubby arms around Kid's neck to return the hug with equal intensity. "Momma's
callin' for ya, Daddy", the boy said seriously when the hug ended. "Is
everything alright?", Kid asked with concern. "Yeah, she just wanted
you to come in for supper", the boy replied with a grin. As Kid approached
the house, he saw Lou standing on the porch holding a baby in her arms. He climbed
the stairs in two big strides and gently stood his son on the ground next to
him. He quickly took Lou into his arms and began to kiss any place on her that
he could still reach. He stopped when he heard the fussing of the baby who was
now in between them. He stepped back to gaze down in the face of the most beautiful
little girl he'd ever seen. Although she was clearly unhappy with the lack of
consideration she had been given, Kid would still argue that she was the most
beautiful girl ever born, well next to her mother. When she opened her eyes,
he was taken aback at just how much they were like Lou's. This was his family.
This was the life that he wanted. This was a dream that came to an all too sudden
end.
Kid was startled awake by the quiet but insistent moans of the woman beside
him. He got up and lit the lamp so that he could get a good look at her. He
wanted to make sure that she was actually waking up and that this wasn't just
some wonderful dream. "Lou?", he called softly. "Lou, sweetheart,
come on. Open those eyes for me", he continued. He began to stroke her
face gently as she continued to become more agitated. "Lou it's alright,
baby. I'm here and you're fine. Both of you are fine, so just open you eyes",
Kid pleaded. It took a few more moments before he saw it, the flickering of
her eyes. She continued to moan and move. He was beginning to worry that she
would hurt herself further if she continued to get more agitated. He took her
flailing hands in his and leaned down so that their noses almost touched. "Lou,
open your eyes", he said gently but firmly. And to his amazement she did.
"God, Lou, are you alright?", Kid asked in amazement. She was actually
awake.
"Kid?", she said so softly that he barely heard it because her voice
was hoarse and faint from lack of use.
"Yeah, Angel, it's me. I'm here just like I said I would be", Kid
replied excitedly. He was so overcome with joy and relief that he was almost
speechless. He wanted to cry from the happiness he felt.
"Lou, can I get you some water?", he asked as it dawned on him how
thirsty she must be. He and doctor Kincaid took turns during the day feeding
her broth, but that had been hours ago. Lou just gave a slow nod of her head.
Kid got up and returned with a cup of cool water. He carefully helped her raise
her head and take sips from the cup. When she had finished the water, he asked
if she wanted more, but she shook her head signaling "no". Her head
fell back against the pillow in exhaustion..The simple act had tired her out.
Kid placed the cup on the counter and returned to her side.
"Lou, you had us all worried about ya", he chided her playfully.
"Sorry", she whispered back with a smile.
"Are you feeling alright? Do you need the doctor?", Kid asked with
concern. She had begun to look flushed again and it made him nervous.
She shook her head "no" again before whispering, "Just tired".
She was still struggling to keep her eyes open but it was a losing battle.
"It's alright, Angel. Rest now", he whispered to her as he placed
a gentle kiss on her forehead. She fell back asleep with his blessing. Kid wanted
to dance, to shout, to run through the streets exclaiming his joy, but he settled
for putting out the lamp and crawling back in his bed to lie next to her. This
time when he curled around her, she snuggled into his embrace. Kid slept soundly
for the first time in days.
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