Never Should Have Let You Go

by Cletus © 2001

Standard disclaimer

Chapter 1

She's late. By now everyone was aware of that fact. As the day wore on, concern became stronger. Although no one wanted to be the one to admit it first, all of them were starting to worry. As much as they wanted to dismiss the notion, no one could shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong. The silence was broken by someone shouting "Rider comin'!". All the others stopped what they were doing to greet their fellow rider. Relief washed over the entire group at once. However, it was to be short lived. It soon became clear that the rider approaching was not her.

Kid, who had been rushing to meet her, stopped mid-stride. "Who in the hell are you?', he asked with more force than he had intended. Worry had stolen his manners. "My name is Neil Masters. I ride for the express station right outside of Davenport, town called Harriston. I have letters for several of ya from a Lou Mcloud". By now the others had arrived to see what was going on, and so they were all struck dumb at the same time. Jimmy was the first to speak up. "Why would he send us letters? I mean he lives here after all", he asked still not sure this Neil fellow knew what he was talking about. "Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Lou doesn't live here anymore", replied Neil before handing off the stack of letters and riding off. "WHAT!?!", everyone yelled at once, but there was no one there to answer.

Ike began to pass out the letters. Everyone had one, including Rachel and Teaspoon. Each rider took his letter and went somewhere private to read it. Disbelief was a tangible thing as they walked away. Kid took his letter and walked to his private spot under a large tree by a lake. At first he dared not even open it, scared that reading it would make this nightmare real. The envelope simply read "Kid". His hands started to shake as he opened it. It read:

Kid noticed drops falling onto the paper and quickly glanced up to check the sky for rain clouds, but there was not a cloud in the sky. He then realized the drops came from the tears he hadn't known he was shedding. Once he realized he was crying, he couldn't bring himself to stop. The pain of losing her consumed him totally, and he wept for the love they had, the love they lost, the love he hoped they'd find again, but most importantly, he wept for the life he'd have to live without her.
Days later he sat on the porch gazing at the horizon, hoping to catch a glimpse of the one thing that would let him breathe again. He sat hoping to catch a glimpse of her. For the second morning in as many days only the sun appeared to greet him. He knew his friends would soon be joining him. He also knew that no one would bother to offer empty words to comfort him. There were no words to comfort him. Only she could ease this unbearable pain, but she was not coming home. So he prepared himself for yet another day of mind numbing, body draining, busy work. Thanks to his sorrow all the fences had been mended and all the new horses had been broken in. Today it looked like the woodpile was calling.

"He's gonna kill himself and take us all with him," Cody complained. "Yeah, he can't keep this up much longer and neither can we," signed Ike. "Why doesn't he just go after her?", Cody whined. "Cody, it's not like she was kidnapped or just went missing. She left on her own," Ike said with a sad shake of his head. They all thought back to the afternoon three days ago, the afternoon everything got turned upside down. None of them really knew why she decided to leave. None of their letters said anything about her being sad or angry or worried about anything. Although each letter was written to fit her relationship with a particular rider, they all conveyed the same feelings of appreciation and love. However, they all knew that Kid's letter was much different. Kid had come back late that night, eyes swollen from hours of crying and mumbling how it was all his fault. Kid's letter held the truth in it, but no one dared ask him just yet. It was still to soon, and his pain was still to strong. Now they all watched as he mindlessly wandered through the day. Although they could see him, talk to him, place a hand on his shoulder, they all knew that he wasn't really there. His eyes told the truth. The spark that normally lit his blue eyes was gone, replaced by a vacant haunted glaze. His eyes said that he was with her. "I don't know but something has to give or none of us are gonna make it till next week," Jimmy said with a tired sigh.

With each swing of the axe Kid felt the anger grow inside of him. His mind and heart screamed with every blow. No one dared tell him that he had forgotten to put another piece of wood on the stump. "How dare she just leave like that?" (swing) "HOW DARE she not give me a chance to explain?" (swing) "HOW DARE SHE take away EVERYTHING I have ever wanted?" (swing) "HOW DARE SHE!?!"(crack). Everyone stopped and looked. Kid had swung with such force that the blade had become lodged in the chopping stump and the handle snapped off as he went for another swing. No one wanted to be the first to approach because no one wanted to be the one on the receiving end of all of the Kid's pent up emotions. "Are you alright?", Jimmy asked cautiously. Silence was his reply. "Kid, are you alright? Say something", Jimmy said. His best friend's silence was making him really nervous. "Kid!", Jimmy yelled, "Are you alright?". "I'm going to find her", Kid said quietly-more to himself than anyone else. "What?", asked Jimmy, still not quite sure that Kid really said anything. "I'm going to find her, Jimmy. I'm going to find her, and I'm going to bring her home", Kid said with his old determination. With that, he dropped the axe handle and began to make his way to bunkhouse to pack for his trip to wherever. The rest of the guys stood in shocked silence, no one quite sure what just happened. "Well thank God!", Cody exclaimed, "I thought I would be carrying wood for the rest of my life!". Ike went over to examine the chopping stump and shook his head as he realized that there was no way that blade was ever coming out. Buck came up beside him and they shared a laugh. "All I can say is better the stump than one of us", Buck laughed. A few moments later they were all heading toward the bunkhouse. Apparently, they now had some packing to do.

Chapter 2

Kid and Jimmy were continuing to pack in silence when the door to the bunkhouse opened. The remaining riders each moved to their bunks and began to gather things they would need for the ride. After a few moments Teaspoon arrived. "And just what, may I ask, is goin'on here?", he asked-his eyebrows raised in surprised confusion. "What's it look like Teaspoon? We're going to get Lou back", Cody replied with a smirk on his face. Teaspoon instantly became serious and said "Now you boys just hold on a minute. You can't just go chasing after someone who has made it clear that she doesn't wanna be here anymore. We all miss Lou, but we all have jobs to do here". "Awww, come on, Teaspoon, we can still do our jobs", complained Cody. "Now just how do you plan on doing your jobs when you ain't even here? Look, I'm sorry but we're just going to have to accept the fact that Lou's gone, and she ain't comin' back", Teaspoon said with all the sympathy he had in his heart for his boys. He knew the last couple of days had been hard on them, especially the Kid, but he couldn't just let them go off chasing after someone who left on their own. As Teaspoon looked into the pain filled faces of his riders, his own heart began to ache. Poor Kid looked as if he were just a step away from just falling apart. Since Lou left, Teaspoon had tried his best to keep an eye on the Kid because he knew that he would be taking it the hardest of them all. Yet even now, Teaspoon knew that he had to remain firm in his decision. They had to do their jobs, no matter what. Then it happened again. Kid just exploded from the back with all the steely determination and barely controlled emotion he'd unleashed at the woodpile. "No, Teaspoon, I won't-I can't-just accept that she's not coming back. Feel free to believe whatever you want, but don't try and force me to go along with it. Fire me if you feel you have to, but I'm leaving. I'm going to find Lou, and I'm going to bring her home. So if you fellas will excuse me, I have a new job to take care of." And with those words Kid grabbed his gear and headed for the barn to saddle Katy. For a few moments after the door slammed shut, the bunkhouse was quiet again. Then, Jimmy broke the silence. "Teaspoon, I'm going with him. What he says, well, I say it too. You are always telling us to be there for our family and Kid's family, so is Lou. And they both need us, so we have to be there for them. You of all people should understand that". Jimmy reached for his gear and started toward the door when Teaspoon moved to block his path. "Now, Teaspoon….", Jimmy began. "Now hold up, son. I ain't gonna try and stop ya. You're right. Family needs to be there for family. But I stand by what I said earlier. We have jobs to do. All of you can't just up and leave. So, the rest of ya better hurry up and decide who stays and who goes. I'm gonna need three of you here. Which three…now that's up to you, but you better hurry. Kid'll be leavin with or without ya", then he turned and headed towards the barn, leaving them to fight it out. Right now, he had to see to some family.

Kid was almost done when the barn door opened. "Just a moment before you leave", Teaspoon said, "I got something I need to say to you". "Just go ahead and fire me, Teaspoon. I'm kinda in a hurry", Kid said without really looking up. "Well, I should fire you. But then I'd have to fire the rest of them and I don't have it in me to start this damn station all over. 'Sides you boys kinda grew on me", Teaspoon said with a slight smile. "However, could I persuade you to wait just a few more minutes while the rest of the fellas fight over who's goin' with ya? Then, you go out there and you find our Louise and bring her home" he said while placing a hand on the Kid's shoulder. Kid coldn't help but look at the ground sheepishly as he recalled the scenes he'd been causing lately. "Sure, I can wait a few more minutes. Hell, I can't believe I actually waited this long in the first place", Kid said with a hint of his barely contained frustration coming through. "Actually, I can't believe you waited either. I know that this has been really hard on ya, son. But I'm proud of how you boys handled yourselves. I know that I might have seemed kinda unreasonable back there, but it's hard work being both a friend and a boss to you boys-especially when I would love to go out there with ya", Teaspoon said a bit sadly. Just then the barn door opened, and in walked Jimmy and Buck. "Hey there! We thought we'd be riding hard outta here tryin' to catch up to ya by now", Buck said with a laugh. "Yeah, well, I'm done waiting now. Let's get goin'. I wanna get to Harriston before her trail gets any colder", Kid said as he climbed on top of Katy. "You boys take care now. Send word if you run into any trouble", Teaspoon said with concern. "Us? Trouble? Now, Teaspoon, you should know better than to think that about us", Jimmy said with a voice full of laughter. "Next time you see us we'll be ready to put this family back together again" Buck said with total confidence.

As the trio began to ride out of the barn, Kid stopped beside Teaspoon just for a moment, just long enough to say quietly, " You're more than a friend, and you're more than a boss. You're the father we've always wanted, Teaspoon. And if you are proud of us, well, we are who we are because of you. So be proud of yourself". Teaspoon waited until they had disappered behind the horizon before letting the tears he'd been holding fall silently down his cheeks. Ride safe, boys, he thought to himself before turning to head to the main house. He knew that things would be even more tense until they returned, and he began to prepare himself for the tough days ahead. Dammit! Rachel has no idea what is going on. She's gonna kill me.
"Cody!", Teaspoon yelled across the yard. "Yeah, Teaspoon?", Cody asked as he came running across the yard. "Why don't you on in the house and let Rachel know what's going on", Teaspoon said with his best attempt at appearing innocent of how that particular scene would play out. "Awwww, Teaspoon, you know how she's gonna react", Cody whined. "Why, Mr. Cody, are you implying that our sweet, wonderful Rachel would behave in any way other than completely lady-like?", Teaspoon barely made it through that remark without a laugh. " I would go myself but I have to get to town and start marshallin'. Someone has to uphold the law around here ya know." Teaspoon yelled back as he wa'lked back to the barn to saddle his own horse. Cody had already began his walk to the main house. He was definitely not looking forward to this one. Teaspoon owes me big time he thought to himself as he opened the door to find Rachel taking a freshly baked cake out of the oven. "Ummm…..Rachel, ya got a minute?", Cody mumbled quietly. The door shut ominously, and moments later the yard was filled with the sounds of Rachel's rantings. Teaspoon was slowly but surely sneaking his way into town, wincing with each piercing shrill of Rachel's tirade. Maybe I best consider eating in town tonight thought to himself. "TEASPOON!!!!!!", Rachel yelled. Hmmm….better eat in town tomorrow night as well Teaspoon considered as he kicked his horse into a gallop. Every once and while he looked behind him to make sure Rachel wasn't chasing after him with with evil intentions on her mind. Hurry back, boys. From the looks of it I might go broke eating in town he thought with a shake of his head.

Chapter 3

The sun was just beginning to set as they arrived in Hastings. Kid had been pushing hard the entire ride, and the idea of a long night’s sleep was playing heavily on their minds. It had been a rough couple of days. No one had really slept easily since Lou left. Now their salvation seemed to be at hand, and the riders couldn’t help the sense of excitement they felt.
“You think once we reach Hastings we can slow things down a bit, Kid?” Buck asked even though he already knew the answer.

“Look, I know I’ve been pushin’ kinda hard, and I’ll understand if you two wanna just take it easy when we get there. But you gotta know that I’m not stopping ‘til I find her” Kid said with his normal quiet resolve.

“Well can we at least eat first? No offense, but eating your cooking for the last three three days has left a rather bad taste in my mouth.” Jimmy said with a barely hidden smile.

“Yeah, Kid. A man can only eat so many beans in a short period of time, and no matter how many different names you call them, they were all beans” Buck said, joining in on the fun.

“Well, gee thanks guys. Next time I’ll just let you starve” Kid replied with his best attempt at looking hurt. “Actually, a real meal might just hit the spot right now” Kid said after the laughter had ended.

“Well, let’s take a moment to thank the Lord for the small miracle” Jimmy said while removing his hat and placing in front of his heart. “Lord, thank you for not letting the Kid be competely crazy” Jimmy said with a wide grin covering his face.

“Amen and Halleluiah” Buck chimed in.

“Oh, shut up you two before I change my mind” Kid laughed as he kicked Katy into a gallop and hurried into town.

They checked into the local hotel, each getting his own room. Once they had unloaded, they all met in the dining room for some real food.
“I think I’m just gonna have some of everything tonight” Jimmy said as he went over his menu.

“Yeah, well as long as you’re the one paying for it” Buck whispered to him.

“Well, in that case I’ll only have half of everything they’ve got, well everything but beans” , Jimmy replied with a chuckle.

“Kid, what are you gonna have, and please don’t say beans” Buck asked from across the table.

“I don’t rightly know yet. It all sounds so good.” Kid said, honestly confused.

At just that moment, the town sherriff and his deputy arrived for their evening meal. “Well, Hal, are you having in luck with that girl?”, the deputy asked as they took their seats at the table across from the boys.

“Nah, she’s a hard one, but that’s the kind I like. All the others come too easy. This Louise, now she’s a challenge. And you know me. I can’t resist a challenge”, the sherriff said with a sly grin.

With that said, all conversation at the other table stopped. Their focus was no longer on what their menus promised. Instead all their senses were now firmly focused on the conversation that was taking place at the table across from them.

“Did you hear that?” Kid asked with an anxious excitement he could barely control.

“Now, hold on, Kid. You don’t know that they are talking about Lou. There is more than one woman with that name, you know” Buck said quietly as he tried to calm the Kid down before he caused a scene.

“No, Buck. They are talkin about my Lou. I can feel it” Kid said forcefully.

Jimmy tried to lighten the mood by chiming in with “Maybe it’s just the three days worth of beans you’re feeling”.

“Not now, Jimmy” , Buck warned as he saw Kid’s temper beginning to flare.

“Alright, Kid. Maybe they are talking about Lou, but if you go charging over there right now, you aren’t gonna find anything out. We gotta play this one carefully. I’ll go over there and see if I can find some answers. But you need to stay here and get yourself under control” , Jimmy said as he began to rise from his seat. “While I’m gone, the two of you order for me, and if I come back and there is a single bean on my plate, someone’s gonna die” Jimmy warned as he walked toward the two guys who possibly held the key to returning the Kid to the land of the sane. “For the Kid’s sake, please tell me what we all want to hear. The sooner we find Lou, the sooner we can all get back to normal. Well, as normal as we can be anyway” he mumbled to himself as he neared the table.

“Excuse me. I was wondering if you two could help me with a problem”, Jimmy said in the friendliest tone he could manange for a couple of strangers.

“Well, we’re kinda in the middle of eatin’ right now. So unless, it’s an emergency, it’s gonna have to wait” the deputy all but growled.

“Now, Tom, that’s no way to treat visitors to our fair town. My name is Hal Gregors. I’m the sheriff around here. This here is one of my deputies. His name is Tom Redness. What is that we can do for you?” the sheriff said with a not so genuine smile.

“My friends and I are looking for a friend of ours. Her name is Louise. She has brown hair that almost comes to her shoulders, big brown eyes, and a mouth that would make soldiers run home to their mommas when she’s mad. This is the last place we know for sure she’s been, and we were wondering if you or your deputies might have seen her”.

Halfway through Jimmy’s description, the man called Tom perked up in his seat and gave the sheriff a nervous glance. This immediately got Jimmy’s attention.

“Why, I’m afraid I can’t help ya. None of us have seen or heard of a girl by that description. Sorry I couldn’t be more helpful”, sheriff Gregors replied a little too smoothly for Jimmy’s liking.

“Well, thanks for your time. Sorry to interrupt your meal”, Jimmy said with a smile as fake as the ones he’d been receiving since he arrived at that table. “Perhaps we’ll stop by your office in the morning just in case you’re mistaken though”, he said as he walked away.

Once they were sure that Jimmy was far enough away, Tom leaned in close and whispered fiercely, “That’s the girl! They are looking for your girl, Hal!”.

“Just shut up, Tom. Just because they are looking for her doesn’t mean they are going to find her. Let them come by tomorrow. They’ll just get more of what they got just now-nothing. Louise is gonna be mine, and nobody is gonna get in the way of that”, Hal said as he rose to leave. Yeah, she’s mine. Those clowns will be on their way soon. I have nothing to worry about he thought as he left the dining room.

Meanwhile, Jimmy had returned to the table where Buck and Kid waited anxiously. “Well?”, they asked almost in unison.

“Well, those two are a lying snakes, and they are trying to keep us from Lou”, he said quietly as he took his seat. His mood only worsened as he looked at his plate. “And who is the jackass who ordered me a plate full of beans!?!”.

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